Things My Beard Can Lift

Well, we’re wrapping everything up here at Beard Central, but before we go, we’ve got a bunch of important items to discuss:

What’s next for the beard?

That’s up to you! I’ve fired up an eBay auction, and the highest bidder can make me do whatever he or she wants: shave it, color it, of hack off bizarre tufts! But do it now, because the bidding ends at 20:44:23 PDT tonight!

Say Goodbye to The Beard with Free Pizza!

I know a lot of people want to say goodbye one last time, so come on out to Hamilton’s at Devon and Broadway this Saturday at 3pm for free pizza and a viewing of Katelyn’s Beardumentary. Just drop a comment below to RSVP and we can laugh and cry together as we bring the weirdest couple of months of my life to a close.

Most Importantly: THANKS!

Hopefully you’ll let me thank you in person on Saturday, but if not, thanks to everyone who donated, sent well-wishes, told their friends, or just read along and laughed. This stupid idea has generated over $6,000 and some really great press for a really great organization. On behalf of Off the Street Club, Kay, Will, Katelyn, and everyone else who helped out: thank you, thank you, thank you!

HOLY COW! THE BEARD HELD STRONG!

I’m still in awe of Casey Cancilla’s bravery, the generosity of the last-minute donors (especially you, Anna Z.!), and the sheer number of people who showed up to witness the end of the weirdest 8 weeks of my life. Not only that, but people stuffed $236 dollars in my little collection can at Emmit’s Pub! Thank you Chicago, and thank you Andrew Huff and GapersBlock.com for making the finale an evening we’ll never forget!

Our video camera flipped out, so if you took any video on your phone or camera, please send it in! Thanks!

YEE-OUCH! You knew this day might come: The Beard FAILED today’s lift! The bracket actually folded in half, tearing out a giant patch of beard in the process! OH NOES!

But did The Beard quit? No! I took a deep breath, shuffled the chains a bit, straightened out the bracket, cinched the winguts as tight as I could, and…

SUCCESS!

Thanks to the Greater Chicago Chapter of Friends of The Beard for coming out, Jackie and Brian from Metromix and Katelyn and Morgan for filming The Beard in its darkest and proudest hour, and Matthew from Wild Dogz for hosting this spectacular event! I’ll upload pics and video this weekend, but you’ll be able to gather the family ’round the glowbox to see the lift on Metromix next Thursday to witness the pain in the comfort of your own home!

One final note: I don’t think I have two more lifts in me, so if you were waiting for the golden moment to donate, NOW IS THE TIME! Let’s hit that $5,000 and put this baby to bed!

I knew there was an affinity there, but apparently it’s a deep and abiding love! Chicago icon and co-founder of Featherproof Books Jonny Mess invited me to help celebrate the release of Patrick Somerville’s novel “The Cradle” with a special lift at The Book Cellar, and their incredible, literature-loving attendees donated an amazing $155 to see me lift a giant jar of rocks and a chair! Thanks so much, everybody! Some screenshots from the video:

Thanks again to Jonathan Messinger and Zach Dodson at Featherproof Books, Colleen O’Brien and Patrick Somerville for letting me share the stage, and all the good people at The Book Cellar for hosting the event!

How awesome is this? Baking for the Taking is making COMMEMORATIVE CUPCAKES in honor of The Beard! And even better, for every dozen you buy, they’ll donate $10 to Off the Street Club! Look at these beautiful, tasty treats:

If you like cupcakes, beards, kids, or any combination of the three, order a box today from Baking for the Taking and tell ’em The Beard sent you! Schedule a pickup right from the bakery at 5740 N. Milwaukee here in Chicago or have them DELIVERED TO YOUR DOOR anywhere in Chicago for just $5! It’s the yummiest way possible to help the kids of Chicago!

UPDATE: Marisa says you can even customize your cakes! Here’s the full menu; I can personally vouch for the red velvet! Any questions? Call Baking for the Taking direct: (773) 951-5025.

Lift 1 is in the can! For my seven pound object, I lifted a Millennium Falcon model and an iron R2-D2 sculpture, graciously provided by fellow beard-wearer Brad Priller and originally suggested by Liam and Paddy May. There was some confusion as to who was filming what with what (and more on that later), but here are some screenshots from the video:

Thanks to everyone who made this first lift possible! Will I lift something even heavier next week? Ask your friends to donate today!

It’s official: we’ve raised $701 dollars as of midnight Eastern February 11th, so the first lift will be an object weighing 7 pounds! What should I lift on Friday? Comment on this post with your suggestions!

UPDATE: Fixed! Now your donations will appear in the total instamagically! Woo hoo!

In order to keep everything on the up-and-up and tax-deductible, your donation is being made directly to Off the Street Club. After they receive a receipt from PayPal, they forward it to me. It’s a temporary solution until we can find a better way to automate the process, but rest assured your dollars are being counted and weighed!

If you’re really worried your donation didn’t go through, just contact me directly at help@thingsmybeardcanlift.com and I’ll make sure you’re all set. Thanks so much for donating!